Grandparents and special needs kids

Gisele Rucker

Grandparents want the best for everyone in their family, but especially their grandkids. Abby Kleinberg-Bassel is a Special Needs Consultant who welcomes questions from concerned grandparents, whose grandkids are displaying developmental problems.

“Usually grandparents have heard about me from other people who know about my work,” she says. “They're referred by their doctor, or friends, or they're just taking a stab in the dark. They call me and say, ‘I have a grandchild and I'm concerned because…’ and they might name Global Developmental Delay, Down's Syndrome, Autism, Pervasive Developmental Disorder, or Asperger's Syndrome,” Kleinberg-Bassel explains. “The bottom line is they are worried.”

Grandparents call because they see that something is wrong and their own children (the parents of the child) do not want to or cannot deal with the problem. Either the parents are unaware that anything is amiss or are unable to face the idea that something might be wrong. Sometimes, to Abby’s dismay, the grandparent informs her that the child’s paediatrician has advised the parents to ‘wait and see, maybe they’ll grow out of it.’ For her, precious time for early intervention is being lost.

“They want to know how to help without being intrusive,” she says. “I ask if they've told their children that they're contacting me, because there is the important issue of confidentiality. If the parents haven’t been told, I may advise the grandparents, but it does have to be the parent who contacts me to provide services for the child. I ask them if there has been a diagnosis of the child and then we talk about the services I can provide.”

Therapeutic services range from assessment, diagnosis and treatment in the areas of Speech, Occupational, and Physiotherapy, to Psychological services for assessment, behavioural programs, or one-on-one educators.

Kleinberg-Bassel provides support for the family and helps them obtain the government services they are entitled to. “When grandparents want to help, they need to know how to help,” she says. “For instance, if the child’s parents are willing, grandparents can come to the meetings and observe the sessions. They can choose to participate monetarily or by providing emotional support, or can give the parents a break, because they know how to be effective with the child when the parent is not around. Equally important is the ability to form a bond with the child, so there is the possibility of a positive interaction between the grandparent and the grandchild.”

She suggests grandparents

• Be proactive by helping children find appropriate resources.
• Be supportive because worrying and meddling will only increase the stress for the family.
• Encourage rather than criticize, being forewarned that suggestions can be perceived as criticisms.
• Be sensitive to the mood, the situation, the setting and the problems.
• Let your children know that you are there for them.

Abby Kleinberg-Bassel has worked with young children with Special Needs and their families for 38 years. She says the earlier the child receives necessary help, the greater the results. “Research has shown that Intensive Early Intervention is critical in order to ensure making gains in the child’s development,” she says. “The reality is that the earlier a problem is identified, the sooner appropriate services can be put into place to ensure your grandchild makes progress. The public system can assess the child, but the waiting period can be excessive — from six months to three years. If they do not want to wait so long, they can obtain private assessments and services for their grandchild.”

Abby Kleinberg-Bassel can be contacted at 514-313-2010 or 514-748-2193.