A gift horse should not be looked in the mouth

Ursula Feist

June is bursting out all over… How clever of my parents to have let me enter this world in June, the month of roses, strawberries and romance.

As a little girl I loved my birthdays, couldn’t wait for them, and counted the days. My unwrapped gifts, carefully displayed on a white damask tablecloth, with a big bunch of sweet-smelling garden roses in the middle – the special gift from my father – are an unforgettable memory. I would have birthday parties for my friends in the afternoon with hot chocolate and fancy little cakes, and quite often my father would come home from work early to celebrate. After everybody had left I’d preserve some of the soft cool rose petals in one of the books I had received. It was all about fun and gifts then. Now I know I am celebrating the gift of another year of life.

It’s gifts I want to talk about. So often it’s hard to find the right one, even for one’s best friends. My mother habitually exchanged every gift she ever received – it was a family joke. Her presents were handed over with a grin and the comment, “You can exchange it.”

I have given the wrong gifts from time to time and one instance stands out with some discomfort. I thought that a friend who collects shells and loves them would enjoy Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s book Gift from the Sea. I was wrong. She obviously didn’t like it. “That’s not my kind of book at all,” she commented. It upset me because it happens to be one of my favorite books. I had ordered it well in advance and it took weeks to come. She couldn’t know that, of course, but the experience taught me to give book gift certificates instead. One Christmas, I put a selection of fancy teas together for someone else. It didn’t hit the spot either. “You should know we do not drink tea” – I probably should have. In England hostesses are supposed to know who among their friends take milk and even remember how many teaspoons of sugar are required, if any.

Chocolates are a reasonable choice but the recipient had better not be on Weight Watchers. It’s tricky to give Eau de Toilette to anyone – too personal. Scarves and belts are neutral – that is, if you know the belt size. Gift certificates for movies or a spa may be a good choice but could cost you more than you planned to spend. A new gadget perhaps? I hate gadgets I have to study unintelligible manuals for. A colourful umbrella makes a nice present but not for a superstitious recipient, as they might with opal stones if not presented in October. What about vases, cushions, or photo frames? Perhaps boring but fairly safe. Of course there are always flowers or lunch or dinner out, or an invitation to a concert or a well-reviewed play.

The nicest present I ever received was from my children for my retirement: a shiny tiny Scottish terrier wrapped in a Scottish blanket with a large silk bow on top, resting in a cardboard box. I loved that dog on sight but he was a biter. He followed me around wherever I went and at news time we watched together. Sadly one day he bit a child… I still miss him! Hopefully, when I can no longer travel, I’ll make myself a present of another dog for unconditional and reciprocal love. In the meantime, I enjoy other people’s dogs.

From all the staff at The Senior Times, Happy Birthday to our dear Ursula.