Etiquette equals respect

Ursula Feist

March 2009

"I believe a most serious problem for the American people to consider is the cultivation of better manners. It is the most noticeable, the most painful defect in American civilization." – Oscar Wilde

The world has changed since Oscar Wilde and Jane Austen. Etiquette is dependent on culture. What is good manners in one country may be unacceptable in another.

Talking with one’s mouth full is one example of obvious bad manners in western countries. In some countries you can eat with your hands out of a communal bowl, and it is expected that you belch if you liked the food.

In England in a posh house it is rude to strip your bed – it means that you do not want to return.

The format of handshaking, kissing cheeks or hands differs from country to country.

Flowers taken to a German hostess must be handed over unwrapped, the stem covered by a strip of paper.

The politesse du grande monde at the time of Louis XIV is dead. Blushing women no longer curtsy before men.

All the same, a certain decorum is required. Respect for others is imperative.

At a gathering, forget your personal problems and keep hot subjects like war, politics, religion and personal finances to yourself.

Organ recitals listing your medical problems make unappetizing conversation at a tea party.

In the meantime the words “please,” “thank you” and “I’m sorry” go a long way and make life a lot more pleasant.